What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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