We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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