I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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