Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
