weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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