PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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