I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
