Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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