Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
