friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
