I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
