"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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