i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
