Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize