Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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