Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
