I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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