she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
