Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I want to fling myself into the sun
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
