How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
