I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
