Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
