You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
