if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
