I just cut my nipple shaving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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