i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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