I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
