My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
