no, he came in my armpit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
