They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
