the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
