If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
