omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
