The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
