I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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