Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
