By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
