Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
