I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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