a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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