I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
