grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
