dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize