if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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