Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
