My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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