I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
