The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
