I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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