to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
