The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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