never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
