He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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