I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
