New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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