i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
