My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
a search helicopter?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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