ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm lost and stupid without you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
