hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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