Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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