Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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