i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
