i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
