I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
